What is it and how to have it! What does it mean? A lot is said about Power, giving it away, not having enough, or having too much. Throughout my life I’ve experienced all of the above. However, giving my power away is a concept that, when first mentioned to me many moons ago, was a concept I didn’t understand.
It was one of my first spiritual healers & teachers who was the first one brave enough to confront me with you are giving away all your power. We were having a Kinesiology session around how I just wasn`t coping with being a mother. Now given the circumstances, in hindsight, I should have known that I would be challenged when embracing motherhood. My dear father did try to warn me that I was going from complete hedonism to complete responsibility.
You see I was nearly 41, had spent most of my life being lucky enough to please myself and avoid responsibility. Ask my sisters, I was good at dodging out of anything that I didn’t want to do.As an adult I’d skipped over to live in London and discovered my talent for a career in recruitment and never looked back. Back in Sydney I took a long look at my life, for about 5 years (a girl doesn’t want to rush things), and finally decided that I’d take the plunge into parenthood. I was extremely lucky to be blessed with a beautiful baby boy.
However, that`s when it all started to unravel. You see I’d never been responsible for even a pet before. I had a gold fish once but its life, like a lot of gold fish, was short lived. Motherhood is the only role that you’ll ever take on where there is no job description, no mentor, no training and no-one to delegate to. Anyone who`s worked with me knows I love to delegate and actually empower others to take on tasks. I excel at this. I had no idea that my own personal power and sense of who I am was so wrapped up in my work. I left saying I won’t be back. Needless to say, 10 months later I was back at my desk!
I thought power was being in control. I even negotiated with my dear husband to pay a salary into my back account for looking after our dear child so I wouldn’t have to ask for money. I was so into my independence that we actually didn’t have a joint bank account at this stage as I’d always had a wage. I was fiercely independent, decisive & knew what I wanted. I was also aware of my own knowledge base and place in the world, that I knew what I was doing and how to do it. Then I suddenly found that all my yardsticks to measure what I thought of as power i.e. independence, freedom, and control were no longer around. It took me a while to know that true power was about listening to your own inner voice rather than letting others control what you feel, think or do. I didn’t know how to look within for guidance, strength and power.
I totally intellectualised motherhood. I read every book, followed the regimes for my dear son that they suggested re sleeping, eating; kept wishing my mother was alive to tell me what to do or my sisters lived closer so I could turn to them. I looked externally for answers, to my husband, the others in my mother`s group, to the lactose consultant that I hired, the sleep specialist I engaged to help Jack sleep through the night. I read the blogs and listened to convention re when and how to take care of my child all the naysayers saying in horror you don`t let him sleep in your bed do you? I gave my power to everyone else looking for the answers and the best answers all along were within. Motherly instinct is not a saying for nothing.
Power stepping into it can sometimes be a conscious decision but stepping out of it was totally an unconscious one. I had always thought of myself as strong, powerful, and independent but somewhere along the motherhood journey I decided that others knew more than I did.
My brave Kinesiologist guided me through this concept and to this day I am forever grateful as I started my spiritual journey with this step an important positive step back into my personal power. I love that now I own Motherhood as a journey to compassion for myself and others. I learnt to follow my instincts when parenting my son and although others or convention may say I’m wrong I’ve learnt the hard way that for me, my family and my dear son it works for us. It ignites our love and joy when I follow my motherly instincts and take back my power.
I was drawn to telling this story as in so many areas of our lives we often let others have a say in how we conduct our life. Stepping into your personal power can take practice. One simple practice that helped me and may help you is to discover the benefits of meditation and breathing. With meditation it provided a release from stress, anxiety and a way to slow down. By slowing down I could tune more easily into my gut instinct, parent in a more instinctual way. Whenever I was stressed, worried or needed to decide something I would take a moment, stop, take a few deep breathes and see how I felt instead of reaching out for someone else opinion. Or I’d meditate then see what my instinct was saying.
I`m extremely high energy and as my dear Mum used to say can`t you just sit still and stay home. So learning to meditate was challenging. If I can do it, anyone can and the benefits are amazing. Below I`ve outlined a simple meditation which is a great place to start.
Don`t get hung up on the word meditation. You don`t need guru status to do it. It just can be as simple as sitting in silence and opening your senses, what do you hear, what do you feel, what do you see, what do you smell, just for a few minutes. Feel the stillness and calm within. There are loads of short free meditations available on line. Just google away, have fun, enjoy and radiate your own brand of power, whatever it is.
Simple Meditation Activity:
Requirements: A quiet place and a candle, matches or lighter. Time: 5 to 10 minutes
1. Get a comfortable seat somewhere fairly quiet, turn your phone off & place your feet firmly on the floor and ensure that you are upright, sitting with your back straight. Grab some cushions, get comfy, and grab a blanket if a bit cold. So feel around you and ensure you`re entirely comfortable and you won`t be interrupted.
2. Firstly just take three deep breathes in slowly and out slowly; breathing in through the nose and out through the mouth. Deep Yoga breathing as this is the way to find calm, be still and go within. As you breathe in, imagine breathing in calm and as you breathe out, imagine breathing out stress or anxiety or indecision.
3. Now have your candle in front of you and light it, focussing on the flame and if you`ve used a match to light it, blow the match out & notice the smoke from the match as it wisps away.
4. Focus your attention on the candle flame, not as a stare but just as you would if you were gazing out to sea or looking at a sunset. Let you gaze soften as you watch the flame.
5. Allow your breathing to become deeper and slower as you gaze at the flame. Give all your attention to the candle flame for several minutes.
6. Don`t worry if you have thoughts that come into you mind. This is normal and just what the mind does. Just let them float in and out without latching on to them. Just observe the thoughts and let them go.
7. When you feel a sense of quiet calm, just continue to sit quietly and gaze at the candle flame, noticing if it flickers or how the light diffuses around it.
8. When you are ready to finish take another three deep breathes in through the nose and out through the mouth, enjoying the sensations of how you now feel, no matter what that is. Just notice how much easier it is to know what you feel.
9. Then notice what your gut instinct is with regard to any previous concern you may have had and whether or not there is an ease with knowing what direction to take.
Let me know how you go in the comments below.
Carole